 fortune index all fortunes
| | #10821 | | Q: Why is Poland just like the United States?
A: In the United States you can't buy anything for zlotys and in
Poland you can't either, while in the U.S. you can get whatever
you want for dollars, just as you can in Poland.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
| | | #10822 | | Q: Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man
soup in a plate?
A: 'Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.
| | | #10823 | | Q: Why was Stonehenge abandoned?
A: It wasn't IBM compatible.
| | | #10824 | | A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game.
The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it
had not hit the tree and play the ball from there, preferably atop a nice
firm tuft of grass.
-- Donald A. Metz
| | | #10825 | | A [golf] ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed in
the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the
rough. Such veering right or left frequently results from friction between
the face of the club and the cover of the ball and the player should not be
penalized for the erratic behavior of the ball resulting from such
uncontrollable physical phenomena.
-- Donald A. Metz
| | | #10826 | | A boy scout troop went on a hike. Crossing over a stream, one of
the boys dropped his wallet into the water. Suddenly a carp jumped, grabbed
the wallet and tossed it to another carp. Then that carp passed it to
another carp, and all over the river carp appeared and tossed the wallet back
and forth.
"Well, boys," said the Scout leader, "you've just seen a rare case
of carp-to-carp walleting."
| | | #10827 | | A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the
beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately,
one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods
like the proverbial bat out of hell, and hot on his heels ran the Game
Warden. After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with
his hands on his thighs, whooping and heaving to catch his breath as the
Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin' license, boy," the Warden gasped. The
man pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing
license.
"Well, son", snarled the Game Warden, "You must be about as dumb
as a box of rocks! You didn't have to run if you have a license!"
"Yes, sir," replied his victim, "but, well, see, my friend back
there, he don't have one!"
| | | #10828 | | A gambler's biggest thrill is winning a bet.
His next biggest thrill is losing a bet.
| | | #10829 | | A new 'chutist had just jumped from the plane at 10,000 feet, and soon
discovered that all his lines were hopelessly tangled. At about 5,000 feet,
still struggling, he noticed someone coming up from the ground at about the
same speed as he was going towards the ground. As they passed each other at
3,000 feet, the 'chutist yells, "HEY! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PARACHUTES?"
The reply came, fading towards the end, "NO! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT COLEMAN STOVES?"
| | | #10830 | | A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
-- Yogi Berra
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